I've written to my brother Michael while he's been locked up these past six years, and still do, but this weekend was the first time I was able to visit him. Even before he was in the pen, we had only met on a couple of occasions of over a decade ago. The first time we have ever formally spoken and made acquaintance, unfortunately, was when he was put in the county jail and we began writing to one another. Seeing him yesterday and today was a tremendously emotional experience, and that's an understatement.
It was a bit strange at first, I didn't have much to say because I was in disbelief that my brother was physically sitting across from me sharing a package of Twizzlers while conversation trickled and eventually, poured into the space between us. God's amazing grace has truly manifested itself this weekend. I was told that cousins would not get contact visits, that anyone outside of the immediate family could only talk through a glass window by phone. Upon arriving there with my aunt, his mother, we found that I had been granted a contact visit with Michael. To be able to just visit with him was a blessing enough, but I'll admit that to be able to embrace my brother after all of these years was the best gift I could ever ask for. Emphasis on the 'ever.'
It's funny, when we really started talking, it felt like no time had really passed between us. The letters we wrote to each other kept us in touch after all. It makes me laugh, feeling how overprotective he is of me. My silly brother, watching me from outside through the window as I walked in the indoor visiting room to get some snacks for us at the vending machines and talking mess about how he would mess up fools who messed with me or the family, hahaha. I love him for that though.
Most of our conversation today consisted of his stories of the past which was awesome because I got to know my brother more and even more so because a majority of the time he was smiling and laughing. For the first time in forever, and surprisingly to me, time didn't seem to fly by quickly. Every moment seemed fulfilled, every minute felt patient and not quick to sprint away.
Saying goodbye was, of course, the hardest part. When the guard came by to give us a five-minutes-left notice, I felt my heart sink a little and I could sense a similar reaction when I looked in his eyes. Thinking about just how seldom I can see him, hear his voice, and give him a hug made me so sad, and to think this weekend was my only chance to experience these for possibly a very long time caused a heavy ache in my heart. Driving away with uncle for the three-hr. cruise back, I could only take the memories and the kiss he gave me on the top of my head to keep.
I pray that God keeps my love with Michael now and always, that he may know how much I care for him and that I'm standing by his side until the end. I hope my brother stays strong and that he and others in his position or alike may find their road to true redemption, honestly do penance (through self-forgiving, self-rebuilding, and carrying out their callings of a higher purpose by an honest, heartful life), and see a break of light that'll pour in and allow them a second try, greater hope, and a new-turned leaf.
Keeping the tears to myself at this moment, tears of every possible emotion lol, and posting some pictures I took with my lovely auntie and uncle for Father's Day :]
The delicious dinner auntie prepared: steak, potato salad, fresh vegetable toss, corn, green beans with bacon bits, and buttered-bread.
My sweet auntie and I.
My crazy funny, tough, and sweet uncle and I.One love,
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