Akoustiq

2012-02-01T01:56:00.001-08:00

Confession: I highly fear having a double-chin, losing any front teeth, and having no eyebrows. Heaven forbid such things occur before I'm a senior...

1<3

2012-01-13T19:52:00.001-08:00

I'd really like to say that you're a good person, but whenever I settle on it, you immediately change my mind.

2012-01-06T01:47:00.001-08:00

Is never receiving bread reason enough to forsake dignity and seek crumbs?

2012-01-05T02:41:00.001-08:00

Which moment do I trust? The one of delight where I am lulled into contentment or the one of melancholy where I am disturbed by realization?

2012-01-05T02:40:00.001-08:00

Which moment do I trust? The one of delight where I am lulled into contentment or the one of melancholy where I am disturbed by realization?

2012-01-01T12:05:00.001-08:00

Maybe there are decent people out there..

YEAAA BOYEEE

2011-12-19T21:27:00.000-08:00

Autumn 2011

Course Course Title Credits Grade
T FILM 272 FILM STUDIES 5.0 4.0
TSOCWF 300 HISTORY SOC WELFARE 5.0 3.9
TSOCWF 310 SW PRACTICE I 3.0 4.0
TSOCWF 402 HUM BEH SOC ENV I 5.0 4.0

Letter of Complaint to the Tacoma Police Dept.

2011-12-18T15:30:00.000-08:00

There have been many occasions where I have witnessed police vehicles run a red light without their sirens or flashing lights on. I have watched as these vehicles ran red lights by driving quickly through the intersection then slowing down to normal speed once they've passed the light--an indicator, for me, that there was never a justifiable reason for their running of the red light. There have also been instances where the vehicle would turn on its sirens and flashing rights very briefly to run through the red light then immediately turn off both the sirens and flashing lights once it passed through the red light. In a few of these occasions, I was traveling on foot and couldn't catch the vehicle number of the police vehicle. Other times, I was driving, but was unable to follow the vehicle to get the vehicle number because that would require breaking the traffic law. My inability to produce these vehicle numbers is irrelevant however, for these acts of misconduct must be combatted institutionally. The grander problem at hand is the blatant disobedience of laws by police--laws which police are, by duty, to enforce--which must be seriously addressed so as to ensure citizens that their abidance to these laws is not arbitrary.

*"Ensure" should've been "assure"... shrug.*

2011-12-13T22:06:00.000-08:00

I've censored the following, in protest of a bill that gives any corporation and the US government the power to censor the internet--a bill that could pass THIS WEEK. To see the uncensored text, and to stop internet censorship, visit: http://americancensorship.org/posts/9788/uncensor
The ██████████ is ██████ to ████ ████ ████ our ████████████ ████ █████ ███████ and █████████. Don't let 'em: ████://██████████████████.org/█████/1#██████

2011-12-13T03:38:00.001-08:00

Shoot me down, as long as I die with dignity.
I won't take your torture to live for an infinity.

2011-12-09T01:45:00.001-08:00

Sometimes sadness is comforting; it's familiar. How tragic and sort of humorous, we're so well-acquainted.

2011-12-04T00:23:00.001-08:00

How do you say, "FOR REAL YO, WHERE'S MY MONEY?" in a polite way? Honest question lol

2011-12-01T02:02:00.001-08:00

Happy birthday to my old homie, Jeebuh. Always gonna love you, g.

Big ups to Immortal Technique, who rocks the stage like no other rapper. The show was liiive

2011-11-04T01:07:00.001-07:00

The day God takes my life, know I've gone in peace; I have been beyond blessed in the course of this lifetime.

2011-11-03T07:49:00.001-07:00

Another good morning, started out with donuts and conversations from a fellow uncle #yeee

2011-11-03T01:44:00.001-07:00

"Just hold my hand, and don't say a word/You and I like this for hours--to me, that's making love..." ~J.D.

2011-11-01T00:43:00.001-07:00

It's official, boo. I've fallen for you(r music).

2011-10-23T14:37:00.001-07:00

I want to crawl into a cave and sleep through this life. I'm done.

2011-10-23T14:35:00.001-07:00

Honey, everyone cries. I do it too damn much. But that's our secret.

2011-10-09T17:02:00.001-07:00

Let's endure this comedic life until we can finally die.

2011-10-05T23:28:00.001-07:00

F the system & its emphasis on 'certification'. Life's too short for school. I wanna drop out, get a bluecollar job, organize a revolution on the side, then die

2011-09-27T19:57:00.001-07:00

If only the ills of the heart and ills of the body shared the same abundance in remedy.

2011-09-20T00:13:00.001-07:00

'Religious' wars are fought by people who follow no true religion, whose weapon of choice is manipulation, which justifies what is true sin.

2011-09-18T02:18:00.001-07:00

Tonight was a fun night. Blessed!

2011-09-15T23:37:00.001-07:00

This surprise better stay a surprise or I'ma whup fools!!

An Eventful Night...

2011-08-29T11:47:00.000-07:00

Almost socked a douche in the face hahaha should've been there. (The girl on the very left is my partner-in-fisticuffs :p)

1love,

Cute Shtuff

2011-08-29T11:32:00.000-07:00

The one on the left, I mean. Lol

2011-07-29T01:47:00.001-07:00

I miss you, miss smiling when thinking back on our times. Now, such only makes my heart ache. It's tormenting how I've lost my best friend, the best part of me.

Happy Birthday to my cousin, Phuong!

2011-07-18T22:30:00.000-07:00

Black mascara tears, but she cries in the dark.
In the abyss, unseen, nighttime never departs.
Alone but not lonely--whether this is true or phony, she keeps it secret.
Living fast and dying slowly; all past lovers have had cold feet, but nothing 'bout love makes her fear it.
Trust, the most unreliable friend, but she holds on even when all has come to an end.
Justice unachieved, for no one has made amends, but she's okay with having none over a million vain attempts.
Some call her bitter, even callous, but nobody knows there's warmth past the icy stare.
She don't believe in glitter or golden castles, but she's all for nicer things only if she deems it fair.
Played, tricked, and cheated--been all of those things, but she ain't ashamed.
See, she believes in karma, she just hopes that bitch stings 'cause if there's one thing she hates, it's making wishes in vain.
She's a soldier, who fights with indignation and pride; a dreamer who dares to aspire beyond given heights.
Big chip on her shoulder, and though it still resides, it helps to remind her to never stop until she flies.
Born out of love, bred out of pain; she is fearlessness and she is grace.
She's a pretty grenade; a dangerous spirit, with a beautiful face.

2011-07-13T23:38:00.001-07:00

I never wanted to hurt anyone with this dysfunctional heart.

R.I.P. Ba Ba

2011-06-26T14:26:00.000-07:00

My great aunt passed away last night.
She took her last breath where no familiar face could smile goodbye and now I pray those who looked after her overseas will respectfully bury her in the soil of our homeland.

Ba ba was a pure-hearted woman. I met her when I was still in elementary school and she stayed with us for a brief while. Ba ba had dementia of an unknown type, long black and silver hair which she always wore in a neat bun, and a pocket full of combs which she treasured dearly. I remember sharing a tub of vanilla ice cream with my great aunt, I remember how happily she enjoyed the refreshing dessert; those were the rare moments you'd find her smiling. Other times, she was quiet, sad, and afraid. Memory is such a valuable thing, and we failed to compensate for the things she couldn't recall or grasp for even a short while.

In just that short time she was in my life, Ba ba touched me deeply with her humble kindness. Never married and instead caring for her sister's ten children, my great aunt sacrificed her whole life only to be casted off to Vietnam to be taken care of by people the family barely knew because no one would recompense even a bit of what Ba ba has given to us.

Ba ba was an angel. I'm sorry that we failed to do much for you, great auntie.

God bless Ba ba's soul; may she dwell in eternal joy and happiness as she so deserves.

One love,

Texas: I Miss You, Bro

2011-06-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

In Houston with my auntie and uncle--the funniest, most kind and hospitable Vietnamese folks I know. Not to mention, they're the epitome of resilience. Despite the great trial and tribulation of over six years (and it's still a rough ride down the road), auntie and uncle have stuck together like true partners should and have been of immense support for my brother (it feels improper to address him as my cousin) both in physical, financial, moral, and emotional aspects. It amazes me how humble and giving my folks are, even in these trying times.

I've written to my brother Michael while he's been locked up these past six years, and still do, but this weekend was the first time I was able to visit him. Even before he was in the pen, we had only met on a couple of occasions of over a decade ago. The first time we have ever formally spoken and made acquaintance, unfortunately, was when he was put in the county jail and we began writing to one another. Seeing him yesterday and today was a tremendously emotional experience, and that's an understatement.
It was a bit strange at first, I didn't have much to say because I was in disbelief that my brother was physically sitting across from me sharing a package of Twizzlers while conversation trickled and eventually, poured into the space between us. God's amazing grace has truly manifested itself this weekend. I was told that cousins would not get contact visits, that anyone outside of the immediate family could only talk through a glass window by phone. Upon arriving there with my aunt, his mother, we found that I had been granted a contact visit with Michael. To be able to just visit with him was a blessing enough, but I'll admit that to be able to embrace my brother after all of these years was the best gift I could ever ask for. Emphasis on the 'ever.'
It's funny, when we really started talking, it felt like no time had really passed between us. The letters we wrote to each other kept us in touch after all. It makes me laugh, feeling how overprotective he is of me. My silly brother, watching me from outside through the window as I walked in the indoor visiting room to get some snacks for us at the vending machines and talking mess about how he would mess up fools who messed with me or the family, hahaha. I love him for that though.
Most of our conversation today consisted of his stories of the past which was awesome because I got to know my brother more and even more so because a majority of the time he was smiling and laughing. For the first time in forever, and surprisingly to me, time didn't seem to fly by quickly. Every moment seemed fulfilled, every minute felt patient and not quick to sprint away.
Saying goodbye was, of course, the hardest part. When the guard came by to give us a five-minutes-left notice, I felt my heart sink a little and I could sense a similar reaction when I looked in his eyes. Thinking about just how seldom I can see him, hear his voice, and give him a hug made me so sad, and to think this weekend was my only chance to experience these for possibly a very long time caused a heavy ache in my heart. Driving away with uncle for the three-hr. cruise back, I could only take the memories and the kiss he gave me on the top of my head to keep.

I pray that God keeps my love with Michael now and always, that he may know how much I care for him and that I'm standing by his side until the end. I hope my brother stays strong and that he and others in his position or alike may find their road to true redemption, honestly do penance (through self-forgiving, self-rebuilding, and carrying out their callings of a higher purpose by an honest, heartful life), and see a break of light that'll pour in and allow them a second try, greater hope, and a new-turned leaf.

Keeping the tears to myself at this moment, tears of every possible emotion lol, and posting some pictures I took with my lovely auntie and uncle for Father's Day :]

The delicious dinner auntie prepared: steak, potato salad, fresh vegetable toss, corn, green beans with bacon bits, and buttered-bread.

My sweet auntie and I.

My crazy funny, tough, and sweet uncle and I.

One love,

2011-06-08T12:07:00.001-07:00

Don't compliment my physical appearance--it's God's work, not mine.

1love,

2011-05-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

"When I look upon my past, I reminisce on times I wish would last. So vivid, so clear, like staring into the glass. But I take it all for granted; distance in time without her. Cathy, it's only now that I realize I can't live without you in my future." _Chris Saelee

This brother used to be real close to me, but time brought distance between us. I pray he is well and continues to walk in God's light.

1<3,

Boogerface

2011-05-24T22:06:00.000-07:00

Can't believe how quickly she's growing up. Graduating in a few weeks. Sigh. *continues to rock in rocking chair* Lol

1<3,

Smugglers Tour: Seattle

2011-05-24T14:25:00.001-07:00

There's no doubt that Bambu's stage presence and delivery are on point. You had to be there to recognize--what a show!
See my little self on the very right-hand side? Rockin' with my buddy, Shells :P

1love,

Me and my Mama

2011-05-10T13:31:00.001-07:00

Shoot, we celebrate Mother's day everyday!
Oo I'm kinda round, aren't I? Lololol :]

2011-05-06T14:03:00.001-07:00

I do not utter words out of habit, but out of heart. The frequency of the phrase, "I love you" and the number of ppl I say it to does not diminish its truth.

2011-04-25T01:19:00.001-07:00

What's a long life if one doesn't live fulfilling each moment? I do not fear dying young; I fear dying unaccomplished.

2011-04-17T03:10:00.001-07:00

If I were to breathe my last right now, I'd be okay with it. Life has treated me well; I only hope that I gave just enough in return.
1love

Hip Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes

2011-04-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

A very insightful video about masculinity, misogyny, sexuality and race. Something everyone needs to see, even if you're not a hip-hop head.

Enjoi!
1love,

2011-04-11T00:02:00.001-07:00

Food is a great part of my love. When I share my food with you, I'm sharing my love with you. No need to ask for a bite from my plate; that is friendship.

Wow

2011-04-10T15:40:00.000-07:00

The only one audacious enough to put out a track like this, and make a video to do it justice-- Bambu.

Enjoi,
1love

Wassup!

2011-04-09T15:06:00.000-07:00

Macklemore, Ryan Lewis, and the band are puttin' Seattle on the map.
Super proud for the town.

Enjoi!
1love,

2011-04-06T11:44:00.001-07:00

I need a homie who will ride, not just buddies that wanna cruise/That will sit on the shotgun side; when the chips are down, they there for you.
-JaynDoe 040611

2011-03-31T10:20:00.001-07:00

Super grateful to be alive and that all my loved ones are here & healthy in the present moment <3

2011-03-27T15:32:00.001-07:00

If only I could convince myself that nothing should or even actually weighs as much as it feels on my heart right now.

YEA BOYEE

2011-03-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

Course	Course Title	Credits	Grade	Grade Points
`T SOC 165`	`INTRO SOCIOLOGY`	`5.0`	`3.9`	`19.50`
`T WOMN 250`	`FEMINISM & SERVICE`	`5.0`	`4.0`	`20.00`
`TCOM 201`	`MEDIA & SOCIETY`	`5.0`	`4.0`	`20.00`

2011-03-14T15:02:00.001-07:00

You're a good person; why do you screw yourself over constantly? If only you knew that what you're doing to yourself hurts more than what you've ever done to me

2011-03-11T14:43:00.001-08:00

God is merciful; I must strive to forgive you.

This is Filthy

2011-03-07T12:52:00.003-08:00

Much love and respect for these two! Reppin' the NxNW,

1<3

2011-03-07T09:49:00.001-08:00

Haven't felt this way since that one court date. God give me strength.

2011-03-04T18:04:00.001-08:00

I get tribal for the sun, for real.

$0.01

2011-03-02T15:22:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wonder if we've been socialized with such consistency to believe that there is someone who's "the one" for us that we don't even consider how we may be pursuing something that doesn't exist? Isn't it conceivable that in actuality, we all love and regard one another mutually and equally? Not as if we'd ever know "the truth" because perception is reality, but what if finding "the one" was just a self-fulfilling prophecy? Granted, what-if questions are never-ending, but they're a reminder of the many possibilities which we only selectively acknowledge for the sake of sanity. Penny for your thoughts.

One love,

2011-03-02T07:30:00.001-08:00

He who is constantly on defense of his position is one who is internally ashamed of himself.

Mini Reunion

2011-02-22T16:00:00.001-08:00

At our old spot. It was a beautiful evening, the moon was full and shining and the stars... there were stars! The brother on the very left turned 21 (still not a man yet ^_^)

Went to Sky High for Roi's birthday and though my arthiritis couldn't keep up, the rest of the gang had fun. (Kids at heart, what can ya say ;])

This weekend truly humbled me. Spent time with fam & good folk and slowly, the holes in my heart are filling.

God is good.

One love,

2011-02-20T11:21:00.001-08:00

If only you knew how it kills me inside

2011-02-20T11:17:00.001-08:00

Why does my mother doubt my love for her?

2011-02-15T19:38:00.001-08:00

My heart has become a sort of hotel; they come & go as they please. I simply reserve their rooms and keep them clean, of course.

2011-02-10T23:21:00.001-08:00

All I have to give you, world, are words- please don't undervalue the letters I've written from the bottom of my heart.

Mi Update

2011-02-07T14:06:00.000-08:00

Please excuse the scratchy throat ^_^

1love,

This is What's Real

2011-01-30T14:28:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday

2011-01-30T14:10:00.001-08:00

To this sister right here:

Happy Birthday, bonita!

I hope that you are able to enjoy this special day with those you love most in your life.
As this is a stepping stone towards maturity, I pray that God will guide you with wisdom and patience to grow in knowledge and passion.
I'm certain that you have great things in store for you and know that you have undeniable capability of achieving whatever you choose to pursue.

Don't let anyone or anything knock you down, girl, not even yourself.
Being the strong person that you are, realize that you are your greatest weapon, but also your greatest weakness when you misuse the power God vested in you.
I pray we have many more moments to share together as friends and sisters.

I love you Maria, and I will always be here for you.

Much strength and more hope for a beautiful journey ahead,

Cheers!
XoXo

Until I Return,

2011-01-23T19:48:00.000-08:00

I don't know where I've been, but I haven't been here.
Presently dwelling in your presence, yes, but only physically.
My soul is elsewhere, a place unknown even to me.
It's discomforting- this dissonance, this distance.
I'm struggling to bridge these gaps.
I wish I could sew a zipper on this void and seal this emptiness up, but the silence is forever gaping.

A questions burns inside my mind: if I'm still hurting, have I not forgiven yet?
I cannot move forward without first finding the answer.
I keep trying to convince myself that I've been here before, but I'm struggling to find familiarity and this sadness truly feels foreign. Tears don't suffice; nothing seems able to puncture this stifled agony.
How I wish to scream, how I wish to bawl my tired eyes out, but I'm frozen. Numb. Like a mannequin. Like Jayn Doe.

I've prayed for joy, I've prayed for peace, but I'm begging now for outright pain- anything that will shake me from this comatose state. I'll take whatever wants to hit me, I'll accept whatever battle, whatever war in order to feel human again. I want simply to be delivered from the paralysis that's allowed me to only experience life half-heartedly in these long, dreary months.

Lord only knows how I've missed escaping into blank pages and canvases, but what's disturbing is my absent reason for not consulting either of the two... and now I don't know how.

God willing I'll return soon,

1love

2011-01-22T16:11:00.001-08:00

Dear "friends", could you drop a tip on how to be heartless? For some reason, I can't not give a damn about camaraderie and y'all make it seem so easy.

:]

2011-01-21T20:20:00.000-08:00

An old message from my Bro

2011-01-14T11:28:00.001-08:00

Hey sis just want to say thank you 4 everything you have done 4 me. I'll treasure your love throughout my life. Meeting you and your family is the bestthing that has happen to me. I love you and take care I'll make sure to stay in touch with ya and every body else. >Miss em ^_^

2011-01-14T11:19:00.001-08:00

Not like it would mean anything to you dead and six feet under, but if you were to pass away, my tears would equate the volume of Seattle's rain thunder. 010210

2011-01-05T17:28:00.001-08:00

Respect to those who carry the torch even when they're fighting alone. God be with you all. Viva la revolucion!

2011-01-03T20:28:00.001-08:00

Lord, I'm feeling so blue. Is there such thing as below rock bottom? Just gotta keep my head up. Could just be the wintertime..

2010-12-29T04:10:00.001-08:00

I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me without my glasses on, but lo and behold- the town is in a crystal globe.

2010-12-29T03:04:00.000-08:00

Your presence, your aura; they linger and cling to me ever so tightly like a bittersweet kiss- one I'd like to forget, but the refusal wins. And it always does.

Check This

2010-12-28T01:43:00.000-08:00

http://www.bengalyucky.com/2010/12/and-the-winners-are-2.html

One of my favorite local hip-hop artists, Macklemore (alongside Ryan Lewis), proposed a pizza party in appreciation of their fans, but only a handful were selected to attend because of limited budget and so there was a contest.

I submitted for kicks, but mainly as a gift to Macklemore for the music he makes that continually inspires me. Surprisingly, I won (among 17 others).

My video is the 15th one down. I think I may have watched it too many times because it feels more and more flawed with each view, but all the same I rapped it from my heart and even gave it a little twist.

Hope y'all enjoy!
1love,

Bittersweet

2010-12-27T23:49:00.000-08:00

This holiday has surely been a mellow and nostalgic one. It's been a while since the extended fam got together and although it wasn't the most vibrant of reunions, I must say it was nice to see the brothers again.
I know you can never go back to the past, but I find myself wishing more and more these days that such was possible. I won't say the love is no longer there, but it's present in such pacified tangibility that I feel an ache inside of me.
Of course I'm grateful that we still do have a bond, but the "tightness" that held us together is now much more loose. All of this debilitating dishonesty and these half-stepping efforts just keep my little heart dangling on a single thread of cotton... so easily breakable.

I'm still getting used to this "clean slate, guards up" thing, but the fact that I had to erase certain people, memories, and emotions about some folks once real close to me- that do not realize or care that I've walked out of the door and maybe they did so a long time ago-, makes it so hard. I need resolve, closure, but I have gotten neither. In the silent passing of a moment, it was all over and I'm continuing to struggle with grasping these losses. My loyalty is cursed with a grip much stronger than my strength to let go. And I want so badly to do the latter.

Sick of tears because they do nothing aside from revealing me publicly, a coward. Even tired of smiling because forcing the frown to turn upside down is growing to be the greatest challenge, and I feel pathetic trying.

I miss you so darn much- words I could dedicate to about twenty people, but it wouldn't be much more than additional stimuli to their ears.

All I want to do now is sing my blues away and after my vocal chords give out, wake up to a whole new day. Alas, I have tried and the sadness remains. What will release me from the hands of such a bittersweet love, except complete disposal of my being?

I pray God will help me to love those who hate me, comfort those who hurt me, hold those who reject me, and to diligently give all I ever dreamed of receiving from another soul.

I can't forget that my floor is someone else's ceiling; I just hope this truth will help my stamina last a little longer.

May the New Year bring you all love, peace, and joy.
1love,

2010-12-23T12:28:00.001-08:00

Going up to Ma's place to visit the fam for the holidays.
I feel broke as a joke, but I know I'm just being stingy w/ myself. It is the giving season haha.
1<3

2010-12-20T21:23:00.001-08:00

Lunar eclipse tonight! Grab a blanket, a good friend, and get on the roof. The sky will never cease to amaze me.

That's What I'm Talkin' About!!

2010-12-20T20:13:00.001-08:00

Course	Course Title	Credits	Grade
`TECON 100`	`ECONOMICS`	`5.0`	`3.9`
`TPOL S 456`	`COMMUNITY/LABOR ORG`	`5.0`	`3.6`
`TPSYCH 100`	`INTRO PSYCHOLOGY`	`5.0`	`4.0`

Just released:

2010-12-18T16:27:00.000-08:00

John T. Williams was carving up a board with a knife.
Native Americans' culture revolves around crafting with nature's supplies, carving being one of the arts. Toss that thought in your head.
Even if his possession of wood and a knife wasn't intended for that safely-assumed purpose, even if he was white, even if he was black, even if he was yellow, green, or blue, he was not being a threat to anyone at all.
Why are we employing a bunch of trigger-happy, paranoid pigs as our cities' protection?

Who protects us from them?

Lord, light our torches of revolution and let justice prevail.
May all of my brothers and sisters whose lives were taken by these impulses rest in peace and love.

Yup

2010-12-12T21:04:00.000-08:00

Sun

58°F | 47°F

Mon

53°F | 45°F

Tue

45°F | 38°F

Wed

44°F | 39°F

That's my city.

That's Compassion

2010-12-06T22:47:00.000-08:00

Straight up.
1love,

Dope

2010-12-05T19:28:00.001-08:00

GOOD TIMES x DAVE CORESH from Jon Jon on Vimeo.

Feel it.
1love,

Writer's Block Breakthrough?

2010-11-27T16:20:00.001-08:00

I find myself getting back into the zone, but none of these rhymes have been ending satisfactorily. I feel like I just wrap the pieces up when I grow too physically weary to complete them, but the middle of the poems are always full of substance, like the meat of the composition.

I don't feel like typing all of these lyrics down, but I'll record myself reading aloud to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bm4x0JUl79c

Update to the Will

2010-11-15T15:27:00.000-08:00

As of 11/15/2010, I am making revisions to the last will.

My body shall not be burned into ashes- I am donating my organs to research (it's indicated on my driver's license)
All of my rhymes/written works (everything that I had bestowed upon Adrian Enebrad) should instead be kept with Monica, my little sister. Let no one else keep these works but she. A part of me would like these works burned, but I haven't the heart to decide for certain at the moment. If I still don't make a decision in good time, Thuy, just do with them as you believe would be my wish.

That is all.
One love,

Re-Counting my Blessings

2010-11-11T23:25:00.000-08:00

A lot of shots took me down on my 19th anniversary of life, though none of the bullets managed to take me out for good.
I see now that I have been trying to deny, justify, and rationalize these feeble friendships for so long that I lost sense of what sincere loyalty is. All that I held so tightly onto and pushed to such a far extent were only remnants- scraps, if you will- of something that never existed or ceased to persist throughout the test of honesty.
It burned like a brand to the heart and even now, it hurts me to my core, to have to come to such an ugly truth.
Left with empty hands- hands that are blistered from holding my brethren, from carrying my brethren, from lifting my brethren up when the storms had struck them down- and they couldn't even drop a dime into the palms that never cupped in any gesture to receive a single thing in return.
All day, I quietly anticipated. Inside, I anxiously waited.
No knock on the door, no ring from the phone- just silence.
These were the brothers that I consoled, the sisters that I supported; the ones whose phone numbers I had memorized and whose birthdays I had celebrated, the ones whose problems I strived to solve and whose stories my heart recorded.

They all may have departed much long ago, but it wasn't till just now that I heard the door slam.
Bless them though, I pray, for it was me who was slow to hear the sound of farewell.

And God heard me.

Big love to my family. My mother and sisters spent time with me at my studio together a few days before my birthday and it was the first time we ever did so. It was a nice day- cooking, eating, and watching Jet Li kick some butt in a movie I can't recall the title of at the moment. My sweet fam surprised me with a delicious strawberry ice cream cake stuffed with gummy bears- my favorite, and the usual. Unfortunately it was raining (City Battle being City Battle), so we couldn't visit the Glass Musuem artwork in Town Coma, but it was a great day all the same.
Big love to my older sister, who called me at 11:57 p.m.- three minutes before my actual birthday. She keeps reminding me of the great "masterpiece" she is crafting for me that is "on its way"; I'm awaiting the unveiling of it in honest excitement, haha.
Big love to my brother, Dahir, who called me at exactly 12 a.m. to share a poem he wrote for me in inspiration of the Bob Dylan "Make You Feel My Love" cover which I sung to him in his departure to college. It's been a while since we've seen each other; I'm counting down the days till Thanksgiving, when he'll visit and the extended fam and I will make a road trip to pick up him and his *special* friend lol.
Big love to my little sister, who messaged me wishing a happy birthday just a split second after Dahir did so. Her voice notes are absolutely hilarious and my 'sounds' list is currently an archive of near ten of these messages she sends. One that makes me laugh, in particular, is a recording of her punching the bed and counting to 19 in substitution of my physical birthday punches, haha.
Big love to Porkchops, who went old-school (much appreciably) and sent me a letter which included a sentimental message and two funny illustrations of a lamb and pig. It really moved me that he even took the time to put something so meaningful together that I tacked the letter up on my wall.
Big love to my brother, Michael, who mailed me a card he had sketched & colored of blossoms and a short-phrased message reading, "Happy 19th". Upon opening the envelope and unfolding the 8.5"x11" card, I was struck with wonder. My Anh Hai has a thing for drawing, however he may deny it. As is all of his artwork to me, it's hanging on my wall beside my bed too.
Big love to Nhi, Phuong (Jen), Truc- my dear cousins- who sent birthday wishes over. Their acknowlegement of my born-day is a gift in itself.
Big love to Freckleface, my long-time friend, who sent her wishes. Ten years and going! I forget we're not related sometimes, but I have her birthdate tattooed on my heart too.
Big love to Robin, who called in as well. I must admit the call sounded a bit forced, so the conversation was slightly awkward (which is just terrible, for this is the dude I called my brother for 4+ years), but it was an effort nonetheless.
Big love to Shortcake, my girl, who reserved a day with me in advance and took me out on a delightful dinner which was followed by a trip to Safeway to buy chocolate and fruits to make fondue. This sister is one of my truest friends, and the laughs and talks we're able to exchange every get-together are what keep us bonded despite the time and distance that come in between.

I definitely could say that I've been handed the shorter end of the stick, but I could never rightly claim that I'm not a blessed woman.

May love conquer,

Cheers.

Limbo

2010-10-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

I have questioned myself a thousand times more these past two days than I have ever done in my entire life.
I felt more emotions raging, tossing, turning, and smacking me down in these past two days in an intensity I don't think I have ever been dealt, let alone fathomed I was ever susceptible to.
Yesterday was deja vu, but what re-enacted was a bloodly battle I fought two years ago. On that battleground, I toiled. On that battle ground, I prepared my arms and awaited the approach of my enemy.
At the sight of my foe, I attacked.
I looked to my left and right and suddenly, all of my allies were gone.
The enemy led me to a labyrinth with my soul in the center.
A heartbreaking soliloquy, and I am half-defined and full of questions.
My armor- covered in blood, dirt, mud- still intact, but my pride tarnished.

never to be continued...

On October 20th, 2010,

2010-10-22T16:43:00.000-07:00

Seattle made musical history. Special big up's to Blue Scholars, Brother Ali, and Macklemore- those three truly brought the greatest energy in the beautiful venue of Paramount Theater.

Kube 93 snapped this kodak of my homeboy, Shells and me.

More footage to be posted soon enough.

One love,

Good Golly

2010-10-08T17:44:00.000-07:00

Where have I been?

All this time, I have been asking where the love's been.
I haven't tried the notebook. I kind of hollered at the watercolors, the acrylics. My mind is elsewhere.
Feeling salty, you could say. Blunt words, blunt thoughts. This is unlike me.
Or maybe it is me, today at least.

Why does the text-friendliness of my phone determine how many folks communicate with me? I will confess, I truly despise my own surrender to this means of networking.
I miss faces, I miss voices.

Camaraderie- does it exist? My faith in it seems to make me a buffoon more than it makes me a believer.
These "friends", they embarrass my ego; they humiliate my pride. Trying to show love to these individuals is degrading, it's time-wasting.

Lord, let love conquer.

2010-10-03T18:57:00.001-07:00

There is a very fine line between a real man and a coward.

That's What's Up

2010-09-21T19:38:00.000-07:00

Tonight's dinner: total fail.
Jack Johnson on rotation and Lucerne strawberry ice cream: never fail.

One love,

Fallin'

2010-09-18T21:57:00.001-07:00

I'ma let my boy tell it for me today.

Farewells

2010-09-17T13:05:00.000-07:00

My brother left for college today.

I could honestly write paragraphs about the memories we shared, his gifts to me, and all that he's fulfilled in the lives of others as well as my own, but I have not the time or the courage to do so without fear that I will leave out a significant thought.

I pray God watches over my brother, and all of my brethren beginning new journeys, that always they will be protected under His wing, guided by His light, and warmed by His love.

I love you so much, Dahir Khadar Jigre- you will always have a special place in my heart.

Sunshine in September

2010-09-13T19:33:00.000-07:00

Is seriously what I need to pull me out of these blues and is everything it takes to prepare me to bid goodbye to summer.

Maybe it's too much spare time or just so many things happening around me, but I've been undergoing more heavy contemplation lately. Not to mention, a few weighty things have gone down, and almost in a simultaneous rate, too.

I was met with one of the biggest, dreaded questions of my life. I've been close to losing a loved one to the swallow of the earth six feet under. I was faced with a shock- though not appalling, quite great-, and found myself subordinate to it.

I wish dusk would never turn to night.

Try a flip-switch amidst whirlwinds of thoughts. Everything has been paused- gray clouds over my head haven't disappeared, but have parted for a brief time. The relief one would expect from a sudden stall in downspiraling didn't pour in with grace- it made its presence teasingly and lingers in a tentative manner, reminding me of how quickly it could leave me.

Something is missing. Something is pulling at me, but I don't know what it could be. This emptiness arrived a month ago, but too many things have happened in the past 30 days that it's impossible to pinpoint the culprit of my insatiability. Even after I have counted my blessings, even after I have thanked God and loved ones for being in my life, an emptiness persists...reminding me of how ungrateful I must be for sitting still with this almost shameful unresolve.

After a year of no communication, because he doesn't make or pick up phone calls, I dreamt of Band Aids. In the dream, he called me and stuttered through an apology for neglecting our friendship and doing me wrong. I woke up not surprised that it was all a dream, but compassion followed me on the internet and I sent him an instant message wishing him well. To my genuine astonishment, I received a response from the brother sending back his love and promising to come visit soon. As touching as the simple gesture was, frankly, I'm not so gullible as to believe there's any sincere initiative in his words. A bittersweet joy, one would call it- it warms me that there's still a sense of love between us, but the comfort comes with a draft of cold in the lack of faith that honest care would carry the love to any action.

I wish winter didn't have to come.

After time and distance got the best of us and an awkward situation added insult to that injury, Shorty and I have made peace. I don't wonder what would've happened if I had never broken the ice more than I ponder why I had to be the man in the situation where both parties had to meet halfway; it is vain to dwell too positively on the good terms upon which we stand now, when the latter diminishes the value of our bond as a whole. Though trust was trampled and faith defeated, I have still such great love for this brother. I can tell by the way in which he addresses me and by his careful language that he recognizes things aren't the same, but also that he holds our bond in high regard- for these reasons I continue to hold onto our friendship. I suppose I just want a stronger purpose as to why I'm still hanging around. Will time achieve that? Feeling extra blessed this morning, I sent him and a few others text messages that reminded them of the eternal gratitude which I have for their roles in my life and professed the perpetual way I will treasure the unique bonds we share. He was the first to respond- "You're a friend I never had either. Hope we don't grow apart and still have that bond."

I wish I could feel wholly connected to this world I have so much love for.

The most ironic reply I received from the 'counting my blessings' text I mentioned above was from Albino. My brother from four doors down (before we all grew up and left home) replied that he appreciated the bond that we have too and that he knows he can always count on me, but hesitates to because I "already have so many others depending on me, that [he] doesn't want to add to the burden." It's almost funny how polar situations can be regarding my camaraderie. The majority of my lovely love-leeches suck my generosity dry (I mean that in the most nice way- I know, or at least I hope, that no friend intentionally drains my supply) yet there's one that refuses to sip out of fear that he'd be an addition to the 'onus'. Although I am not superman and although I won't deny how exasperating the tending to becomes, it remains my privilege to be there for my loved ones' and never a burden. This rare show of humility is truly the only reason why I can and will never rest.

I wish the sun set on my watch.

One love,

T. Double Rising Up

2010-09-11T21:12:00.000-07:00

Next show with Big Sean?! Turbo is on the rise- and it's about damn time! (That's right, I cursed- it's that crazy.)

Support this, folks.

One love,

Bumb!

2010-09-07T00:37:00.001-07:00

The extensions of me.

The one on my left hates taking pictures and the one on my right takes the cutest =-D

Bumb in a nutshell:
J. Cole hardly rocked the mic but for 30 minutes, whilst my comrades and I were shivering in the rain with growling stomachs and hurting pockets. On the other hand, I copped a tee for the homeboy Nut- who was crying about getting one since he couldn't make it as my primary shotgun-rider-, spent 5 dollars on 4 crayon-sized rolls of lumpia & mango lemonade, heard a sweet song and a half of an indie folk/rock band, and met many humble artists with amazing paintings and stupendous artwork.

The day in a nutshell:
Met a few members of the blood family of my two amigos and thoroughly enjoyed acquainting myself with another side of their identities through their folks.

Wuesly took much better pictures on his camera, which I will add soon below. I thank God for allowing me to live another day and spoiling me in gracing these precious 24 hours with love, warmth, and laughter to share with two very special people in my life.

God bless you all, brothers and sisters, and may peace be with you and yours.

And happy birthday to you, Elvis! Here's a lovely throwback just for you!

1love,

2010-09-02T17:10:00.001-07:00

THESE FRUIT FLIES WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.

Happy Birthday

2010-08-29T16:19:00.000-07:00

To the munchkin on my left.
I love you as much as I love life and laughter.

1<3,

This is Good

2010-08-27T14:38:00.001-07:00

One love,

Note to Self:

2010-08-23T19:19:00.000-07:00

"My 1/3's"

2010-08-22T17:21:00.000-07:00

My tulip, I write of you with a bandage on my finger, so please excuse the displeasing penmanship.
My tulip, you thirst for water which your stem stands in- water that pleases you with every sip.
What is it that dissatisfies you; is the liquid tainted?
What is it that dehydrates you; have you even tasted?
I'm just a gardener, love, I tend to you as I can.
If I were God or greater, love, I'd lend you treasures of man.
My tulip, fate has blessed you in conceiving you without fingers.
If it had been otherwise, you would've torn off your own petals- how you were formed isn't a curse.
You cry, "There's no sunlight", as your own head beckons to it.
There's light, love, open your eyes and let its grace enter your spirit.
My tulip, home is everywhere you go, for everywhere the rain will follow.
My tulip, you will grow wherever it is you're sowed; I pray to see you blossom tomorrow.

My sunshine, I think of you with great love and greater curiosity.
My sunshine, I sing of your kindness and ponder your anonymity.
What is it that keeps us together with no tie around the braid?
What is it that weaves us together, in such quiet, beguiling ways?
I'm just a painter, dear, I portray you as I can.
If I were God or greater, dear, I could replicate you with simple sand.
My sunshine, fate has blessed you in conceiving you in nudity.
If you had been born clothed instead, I would be shaded in darkness and painting rather stupidly.
You cry that I'm "hiding", as your very light turns my veil lucid.
Your shyness is my disguise, dear; if you would thrive, that would remove it.
My sunshine, if only you would leave the clouds behind.
For only then can I be proud of my long-toiled design.

One love,

Belated Greetings

2010-08-16T00:09:00.000-07:00

My brethren-
I apologize for my long, unexplained absence. This past month has been filled with planning, doing, running, buying, going, and repeat.
Making my long-overdue virtual presence on this blog today, I am sitting in my new home- a four-wall den with a walk-in everything, haha.
I have not written and I have not thought in rhyme for so long, I fear the paralysis of writer's block taking over me once I decide to open the notebook again. The postings below are notes I had texted on my cell-phone in the many nights the itch of expression agitated me beyond mental reservation, but they reveal so little about the dark places I have been and the gray spaces in which I was lost. My own silence has swallowed me whole and so quietly that I hardly grasped the aching emptiness my heart yearned to fill.
Here is my hope that I'll find the source, the supply, and the careful passion to craft, to express, and to feel like me once again.

One love,

A shout-out to Mari, my homegirl. Thanks for an awesome weekend!
=-D